please put your urine out of the way
Why is it that you put your bedside urinals right where I’m going to walk? Do you see the little table up to the side of your bed which is out of the way? Why not put it there? Here’s what kills me. I can normally avoid the bedside urinal–and it is almost always at least partially full with the cap off–when it is in plain view and I can even anticipate it’s presence when it’s hiding under the bed just within range of my feet. But, when I’ve been in the hospital for 16 hours per day and 5 hours of sleep per night for the last X-many days, my sixth sense for the bedside urinal is not as “on”.
So, then I walk into the room, kick over the urinal, which as I mentioned is at least partially full with the cap off, pouring a puddle of piss onto the floor of the room. Then when I bend over to examine the mess and my piss-splashed pants, of course everything in the breast pocket of my white coat falls out into the puddle of piss. My pens, my notecards on my other patients, my chewing gum, and of course a $10 dollar bill.
It’s enough to make you want to flip out. So for those of you who have to brave the wards, I recommend that you look out for the bedside urinals. And for the guys out there, I hope you never have to be in the hospital. But if you are and you have to use a bedside urinal, put the God-damned cap on when you’re done and put it somewhere where I’m not going to kick it over by accident.